The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before. No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early. Explore 1000 Funny Quotes by authors including Groucho Marx, Will Rogers, and Steven Wright at BrainyQuote. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling. And they have. Some of these are funny travel quotes from movies, others are more quotes for your travel friends. Time? 19. An acquaintance walked past Algonquin Round Table member Marc Connelly and ran a hand over Connelly’s bald pate. We list here a bunch of cool quotes to have a good laugh. —Unknown. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday and avoiding today. Some, like the ones on our next list, are there to entertain. Barrymore, I am never going to act with you again.” Barrymore replied, “My dear, you still haven’t.”, Director/writer Kevin Smith told Tim Burton that Burton’s Planet of the Apes reminded him of a comic book he’d written. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde, “They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.” – Lauren Miller Time Quotes. A lot of hilarious quotes are about marriage, but you’ll also want to read these love quotes that will warm your heart. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller, “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel, “As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.” —Calving Trillin, “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous, “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Leonard Nimoy was asked by a woman, “Are you aware that you [as Spock] are the source of erotic dream material for ladies around the world?” Nimoy’s reply: “May all your dreams come true.”, “You know there’s a problem when you realize that out of the three Rs, only one begins with an R.” —Dennis Miller, comedian, “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” —Oscar Wilde, “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” —Billy Wilder, director, “She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.” —Bette Midler. The rest I spent foolishly.” —George Raft, film star, “I was going to sue for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.” —Charles Barkley, TV basketball analyst, “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but Time is like a river. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil. Top 10 Famous Political Sex Quotes. “Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.” funny quotes and sayings pictures #2. 100 Funny Work Quotes. May 17, 2019 - Funniest collection for funny quotes of all time. Funny Quotes Quotes tagged as "funny" Showing 1-30 of 8,186 “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." 100 Christmas Quotes. Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. Last, but not least, here are some witty and humorous quotes about time. They help to lighten the mood, they're excellent for breaking the ice, and of co... Close. “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” —Marcelene Cox, “Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” —Radhika Mundra, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” —Stephen King, “From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” —Winston Churchill, “Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” —P.J. See more ideas about quotes, funny quotes, christian quotes. If you act like you’ve only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Love, which is an intense emotion, also has a humorous side to it. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates. These funny baby photos will make you laugh out loud. Funny Quotes About Life's Ups and Downs. “That’s the funny thing about life. 20396 likes. Charles Schultz. These travel quotes are not ordered by any meaning. 20. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. 1. My neighbors are listening to great music. The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. For this reason, we’ve created a hand-picked selection of funny friendship quotes that celebrate the beauty of true friendship. So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 60 funny quotes Best Funny sayings images | […] These travel quotes are not ordered by any meaning. good quotes. In the 1960s, Joe Pyne, one of the original shock jocks, apparently began an interview with Frank Zappa by saying, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa responded, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”, Katharine Hepburn so hated filming a movie with John Barrymore, she declared, “Mr. Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines. Funny Quotes About Getting Older “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” Kitty O’Neill Collins Funny Christmas Quotes from Books, Films, and Television “Out upon merry Christmas! Home / Time Quotes / Page 2. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.” —Raymond Chandler, author, “He suffers from delusions of adequacy.” —Walter Kerr, critic, “Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.” —Brendan Behan, Irish author, “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.” —Mark Twain, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates. 1 Love is sharing your popcorn. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.” —Crystal Lowery, “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon. You need to be more funny on February 03, 2018:. “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” —Tara Reid, actress. Humor Quotes 38k Philosophy Quotes 24k God Quotes 22k Inspirational Quotes Quotes 20.5k Truth Quotes 19.5k Wisdom Quotes 18k Poetry Quotes 17k Romance Quotes 17k Death Quotes 16k Happiness Quotes 15.5k Hope Quotes 14.5k Time is a great healer, they say, which is lucky as you’ll need plenty of time to heal once your sides split from laughing at these funny quotes about time!eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_8',171,'0','0'])); Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Of course! 24. tags: happiness, misattributed-john-lennon, procrastination, time. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. 1. Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Time travel used to be thought of as just science fiction, but Einstein's general theory of relativity allows for the possibility that we could warp space-time so much that you could go off in a rocket and return before you set out. All of them are awesome. —Unknown. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Enjoy the best of funny love quotes and romantic sayings. Being a parent can be difficult, but it can also be pretty entertaining. Of course! Be forewarned. Good but not that good be amazing much more funny and cool things for kid and adults I read these yo myself I … Humorous Quotes About Men and Love. “When tempted to fight fire with fir Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. It’s night before it’s afternoon. We just randomly organized them for you. These are some of the cutest mistakes that kids have made. Time! Anonymous. (For even more quotes, have a look at our selection of The Best Relationship Quotes). There are really two ways of going about it - you can either sit moping about how unfair and unyielding life is, and how the greater cause does not make sense to you, or you can take everything in with a pinch of salt (along with some tequila and a lime wedge, if you will), have a few laughs, and carry on, smiling at the weirdness of it all. Death is number two. “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.” —Butch Hancock, country musician. How did it get so late so soon? You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck, “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Dumbest Political Quotes of All Time. I am definitely going to take a course on time management… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule. He proposed in an essay that the people … Life has its funny moments. I changed some of the more colorful words for the sake of our younger readers. Motivational and inspirational quotes […] Authors; Collections; Quotes; Topics • • • Quotes. 1. Let me show you! Some of these quotes are so cheeky they remind me of the old-fashioned school master practice of placing a child in the corner with a dunce's cap on because he or she did not do their homework or could not answer the question. We just randomly organized them for you. I am not particularly interested in saving time; I prefer to enjoy it. Not everyone is a fan of daylight saving time, as seen in … The tenth is humming. When a fan asked Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart for tips on writing symphonies, the composer is said to have suggested, “Begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.” “But Herr Mozart,” replied the fan, “you were writing symphonies when you were eight.” “Yes,” said Mozart. They can be used for big moments in life to put things in perspective, to celebrate success or to commiserate loss. Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines. One of the first people to suggest something like DST was Benjamin Franklin. 2 People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Don’t waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear. Sarah Palin Jokes. “I never feel more privileged than when I get angry about website design.” —Kelly Oxford. So, enjoy! “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. There are really two ways of going about it - you can either sit moping about how unfair and unyielding life is, and how the greater cause does not make sense to you, or you can take everything in with a pinch of salt (along with some tequila and a lime wedge, if you will), have a few laughs, and carry on, smiling at the weirdness of it all. At the same time, it’s important to let your friends know how important they are to you. I love deadlines. Since daylight saving time is set to begin Sunday, some quotes have been shared about the annual time change. 2. Apr 15, 2019 - Explore Nadine Haddad's board "" Funny christmas quotes"", followed by 182 people on Pinterest. Will Rogers. Never waste any time you can spend sleeping. “That feels just as smooth and as nice as my wife’s behind,” he said. 22. No lie, I’m going out tomorrow to revamp my own dog’s name tag with one of these clever, funny and even slightly inappropriate dog tag sayings. They help to lighten the mood, they're excellent for breaking the ice, ... Top 100 Funny Quotes of All-Time. “As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.” —Adam Joshua Smargon. Your family will gobble up these funny Thanksgiving quotes about family dysfunction, food, festivities, traditions, and more. "One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial. Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for … These funny test answers are secretly genius. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” —Stephen Colbert, “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” —Donald Trump (retweeting a Benito Mussolini quote), “The lion shall lie down with the calf, but the calf won’t get much sleep.”—Woody Allen. The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. Let me show you! Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. Enjoy these funny quotes about time: Time is a waste of money. Does that seem right? In the living room, be the hardest working guy. “Bigamy is having one husband too many. Enjoy every moment of your life. '” —Noelle Chatham, “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” —Sandra Bullock. Take this gem, for example: “Daylight saving time occurs because Chuck … •I never make the same mistake twice. good. The bad news is time flies. “I thought Europe was a country.” —Kellie Pickler, country music singer. Here are a few quotes by the well-regarded leader. If you want to laugh, even more, take a look at these funny photos that will crack you up. They say I’m old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast! We’ve got 10 quotes for you about daylight savings time that are funny, real, and representative of the general attitude over this confusing, clock-switching practice. Go to table of contents. “Instant gratification takes too long.” —Carrie Fisher. “I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, ‘If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. So, whether you have angst about time passing or are simply looking for inspiration, these quotes are for you. Check out the most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each). Check them out below, courtesy of Search Quotes and Today in Sci. Check out these ridiculous things people actually believed as kids. Thoughtful fun time quotes. There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over. Trust us, you need these funny pictures of animals in your life. These funny quotes about getting older and quotes about aging should serve as inspiration for enjoying this remarkable time of life. 100 Funny Work Quotes. “Her only flair is in her nostrils.” —Pauline Kael, a film critic. They can be used for big moments in life to put things in perspective, to celebrate success or to commiserate loss. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. From Denny: Humanity sure does have a wide ranging opinion about Time, most of it humorous! Check out these daily life cartoons that will also have you laughing on the floor. With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” —Richard Dawkins, scientist, “He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.” —Molly Ivins, author, “I’ve come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have food in their mouths.” —Kenneth Cole, fashion designer. Barack Obama Quotes. Time Quotes. By Jerome London Updated September 12, 2018. “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates, “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell.
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